Mr. Muddle's Befuddled Universe

Where is Hazel now that I need her

Fickle:
I know your type! So stop that sneering. I know that your house is always neat and clean. Every fortnight you give a marvelous dinner party that puts Martha Stewart to shame. You've never altered a telephone log. And your cat drinks the water in your toilet bowl, because it's as clean and even more refreshing than  Sierra Mist®.
    Well, I'm sorry if I can't live up to the standards you've established. I hate housework, and my house isn't spit-polished. That's just the way it is. Take it, or leave it.
    I have, however, tried several products to help with the toilet bowl problem. Well, I've never gotten the toilet bowl water to smell like Sierra Mist, but I'm usually happy, if it doesn't smell like... well, if it doesn't smell.
    Well, you may have noticed several months back, when three or four companies all came out with a swob-on-a-stick devise about the same time—I'll swear they all came out on the same day! I mean, what's going on there? How does that happen?
For example, Clorox® had a product. Lysol® had one. Dow® had one, too. Comet® even had one. There were others, also. I went to the local Safeway, and looked over all the options. I read all the packaging quite carefully. After careful consideration, I picked the Comet Clean and Flush™ Flushable Toilet Cleaning System, and purchased one for each bathroom. Then to make sure I would stay in good stead, I also purchased a set of refills for each bathroom.
    But as fate would have it, and as you have probably already guessed, Safeway—as well as all the other local stores—immediately stopped stocking the Comet wands and refills as soon as the Muddle family ran low on refills. (I'm pretty certain I know the source of this travesty.)
    So back to the Safeway I go. Unfortunately the options haven't improved, they've just been diminished. So I'm back at the Safeway. I'm back reading the packaging. Back comparing my options. And a woman comes up, and says, ``Excuse me," as she reaches across my chest to pick up a package of the Clorox ToiletWand refills. Being a man of missed opportunities, I decided I had better grab this horse before it was out of the gate.
    I turned quickly to the woman, as she trotted away, and called out, ``Those work well for you?"
The woman immediately came back to me, and said, ``These are wonderful!. They've totally changed my life. I despise cleaning the toilet. I hate having to reach up under the gross lip around the edge. With these I can get into all the cracks, without getting any yuck on my hands."
    She continued on without further prompting for several minutes. Her Clorox ToiletWands had clearly given her something approaching a religious experience.
    Eventually the woman's husband came, and fetched her away.
    Without further ado, I gathered up a goodly supply of Clorox ToiletWands and refills, and headed towards the check-out.
    I'm quite anxious to start using the ToiletWands. My last spiritual revival was at age fifteen.

Updated 12Feb2005 at 8:50am

BBQ Cooking: Sauces and Rubs

Tick:
Let me announce a major spice and sauce bias. I see no need for spice mixes, rubs, and sauces to be filled with sugar and things such as corn syrup. Of course, my prejudice against large doses of sugar hasn't been in anyway influenced by the fact that sweet stuff gives me migraines and diarrhea—now that's more info than what you wanted.
Want alternatives to sugar-based spices and sauces? Stay tuned...

Tickle:
Okay, over the years I've come up with some good alternatives to sugar- and syrup-based rubs and sauces.

1. McCormick Spice Co.
   • Greek seasoning:  it includes onion, spices (including spearmint and
     oregano), garlic, and sea salt.
   • Grill Mates® Montreal Steak Grilling Sauce: water, sugar, tomato paste, banana puree, distilled vinegar, salt, garlic, modified corn starch, spices, red and green bell peppers, caramel color and natural flavors.  (Now I know the second ingredient is sugar, but I just use a dab of this to add flavor. It gives some extra punch and body to the ``Chaka's" MMM Sauce described below.)
2. ``Chaka's" MMM Sauce: ``Chaka's'' MMM Sauce: water, soy sauce, and spices. [31 DEC 2007 Update: New website address. This sauce is highly recommended. http://chakasmmmproducts.com/]
3. Cookin' Cajun Blackening: garlic, onion, black, white and
   cayenne pepper, oregano and other spices.
4. Scott's BBQ Sauce: This is a eastern North Carolina vinegar style sauce. A little on the hot side for my tender palate, but the only sauce of its kind I've found that can be mail ordered.
5. Stubb's Bar-B-Q Rub: This is available at many local groceries.

Good cooking to you all!