Historical Erudition:
The Plumber's Friend!
How was the West Won?
It's a Simple Story, Really.
Yesterday I attempted to write a terse essay on how the West was won. It seemed like a quick and easy writing project.
- War with Mexico.
- Slaughter of Buffalo.
- Genocide of native people.
- End of story.
Then I thought hmmm.... perhaps a few more details might add, you know, ``human interest''.
Murder Mystery
Later I wondered, ``What if I were writing this like a murder mystery? But then, when would the story begin"
Now things are getting interesting! Let me run you through it.
Ok, you have decided to write a murder mystery, but before you can start writing you have to figure out a whole bunch of stuff about the murder, right?
Among the things you would have to figure out would be who does the murder. Ok, you decide Mr. Brooks is going to kill Mrs. Brooks. Now you will have to figure out when and why Mr. Brooks decides to commit the murder (motivation). How Mr. Brooks commits the murder (method). And when Mr. Brooks commits the murder (opportunity).
It was like any other morning. Mr. and Mrs. Brooks were having breakfast. She on her side of the nook. He on his.
Mrs. Brooks blew her nose. She made a honking, wheezing sound like a gander shot with an arrow.
Mr. Brooks crumpled his newspaper into his lap. He could not concentrate, when Mrs. Brooks wheezed.
Mr. Brooks was about to order Mrs. Brooks to stop wheezing, when he saw the little glisten of snot hanging from her nose. ``Oh, my dear God," Mr. Brooks thought to himself.
Mrs. Brooks smiled. A sliver of bacon was stuck between two of her front teeth.
``Oh, my dear God," Mr. Brooks thought to himself.
Mrs. Brooks took a sip of tea. The string of snot fell from her nose into the cup of tea.
``Oh, my dear God,'' Mr. Brooks thought, ``I cannot bear this woman one moment longer."
In the above paragraphs we see Mr. Brooks coming to the conclusion he is living in a dilemma in need of a solution. He realizes he cannot live with Mrs. Brooks one moment longer!
The Epiphany
Now let us get back to our original story, How was the West won?
I asked myself, ``At what point did the newcomers look at the natives, and think to themselves, `I cannot bear to live with you one moment longer!'"
I concluded the answer was The French and Indian War (1754–1763). Now The French and Indian War is a misnamed war if there ever was a misnamed war. In my never humble opinion, it should have been called The French and British Bugger The Colonies War. In a nutshell, the French and British brought The Seven Years War to the New World, and like fools the colonists and native peoples picked sides and fought against each other. (Perhaps history would have worked out better if they had joined forces and slaughtered the French and British soldiers as they disembarked off their ships.)
When The French and Indian War was over, the die was cast. It was almost as if our ancestors were in a science experiment where students pour two beakers of chemicals together. The chemical reactions are ruled by laws of nature, and they cannot be stopped, until they run their own course. When the The French and Indian War ended, it seemed like the acid of hate was released and there would be no end until the ``chemical reaction" was complete.
(Please, do not get the impression I am a pessimist; however accurate that impression might be!)
Motivation
Why was I motivated to figure out how the West was won?
- In my recent Chewy Choice Award write up I spent a great deal of time talking about my family and their migration from Western Pennsylvania to Kansas. In this discussion of my family's personal history I ignored the rich historical panorama or events taking place in the background.
- In the unpublished portion of my interview with Janel Munoa, Janel and I discussed how the West was really ``won''; that is, the resettlement of the portion of North America commonly referred to as the United States of America. (I do not believe we ever mentioned the movie, How the West was Won.)
Long, long, ago, in a land not so far away...
Hey, boys and girls, I did manage to get from 1754 to 1810 in my story about how the West was won. And here I thought I could whip off this little tale in a couple hours. My mistake.
Well, perhaps I will get back to the story someday. Until then, there are plenty of John Wayne movies you can watch.
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