A journey into self-exploration and acceptance
What is my deal with procrastination?!
There aren't many things currently in my life that are accompanied by deadlines. Actually, deadline is such an ugly word. I see absolutely nothing positive in its use so from now on I'm going to refer to them as delivery dates; it carries nearly none of the negative baggage. Delivery does not always come without pain, discomfort, a bit of hardship or labor, but it is usually accompanied by welcoming something. Even if it's simply the end of an unpleasant task.
I find it interesting that many of the things I've procrastinated on throughout my life I've actually enjoyed doing, and there's usually not too much else critically demanding my time (lately anyways). Many times the delivery date is even accompanied by a reward like payment(!). Who doesn't enjoy that?! It seems my reason(s) for procrastinating lie buried somewhere deeper than I've really looked.
O.K. I just watched it nearly kick-in again. I'm sitting here in the shop (my small vintage hippy shop I've run for 9 years), waiting on a couple of potential customers (currently just browsing). I contentedly busied myself with my task at hand: this blog. One left, the other purchased, and almost immediately I watched my mind scamper off to the other possibilities awaiting me upstairs (The shop is connected to the house, and there is an intercom system set-up so that I can busy myself upstairs — which I do very well - while waiting for the next person to stop in.).
If my procrastination is buried in my past then based on what I just witnessed (the ability to be an observer observing one's thoughts and actions on a constant basis is a skill that offers valuable perspective — especially at a moment like this), I think I just gained a valuable clue: lack of discipline in controlling my monkey mind.
Busted! To hold onto the baggage of yesterday, specifically a ``procrastination issue", is just continuing to kid myself. Thing is, if I'm making a choice to constantly observe my thoughts and actions, hiding behind ``issues" becomes more and more difficult, if not impossible. Problem solved. I don't have a problem or an issue with procrastination. I simply have used it as an excuse to avoid self-discipline. So what's the ``issue" with self-discipline? That's another myth I'll have to investigate. Maybe later.
.e
— Edith
(long A deet')
© 2009 Edith Simone
